I am happy.

I am joyful. And cordial. A people person. 

I am loving. 

I am kind.

I am fun and funny. 

I am successful and creative. 

I am so fortunate. So very fortunate for so many reasons that I will forever aim to never ever take for granted. 

I am laid back. 

I am someone who says quite frequently “no worries.”

I am someone who, when checking out at Walmart or wherever, is going to make conversation with the cashier and ask them how their day is going. 

If you know me, you know all of these things to be true. What you see on the outside is true and accurate but as with most things, there is SO much more than meets the eye. What you do not know or see through the lens of social media is that my mind is broken.  Even those of you who know me in real life or on a personal level, you may know these things but even you do not know the depth to which I struggle with the following…

I am someone with anxiety. Crippling anxiety. 

I am someone that has extreme difficulty finding peace.

I am constantly fearful.

I am wrought with insecurity.

I am someone who is full of worries despite saying “no worries” so often. 

I am someone that lives in fear and walks around with thoughts that have the power to convince me that I am inadequate. 

My mind, though broken in some of it’s functionality, is extremely powerful.  The power of my mind combined with the flawed humanness of it, has the power to convince my heart of the very worst. This is depression. 

I am a very private person. I am reluctant to share this because I do not like or enjoy any sort of spotlight. I have shared little tidbits in the past about my journey in and out of depression. When I do share it is always and only in hopes that it can shed light on how we need to be more attune to the fact that you truly can’t judge a book by its cover or it’s perfectly curated instagram or it’s joyful and happy facebook profile. We do that so often. You see a post or a photo and immediately draw a conclusion about how someone is doing. And usually that conclusion is that they are doing awesome when in fact, they could be dying inside.

My first point here is to say: STOP DOING THAT. Stop comparing your life to what you see on social media and drawing conclusions about others. Everyone is struggling with something.

BUT, more importantly, my reason for sharing this my thoughts this time is more about the hope that comes with Easter. The message that I heard at church this past Sunday struck a different chord with me.

Easter has always been a time to reflect on what Christ did for us and that we have been forgiven and our sin has been covered. The message is about how Christ took on the sin of the world. That is absolutely what He did for us. And we can walk in forgiveness because of Him. But now I have a deeper insight to what took place on the cross. Yes, I can be forgiven of my sin and wrongdoing but He paid for more than our sins. My mind can have freedom. The cross delivers me from so much more than just my sins. The thorns bring freedom to my mind. The thorns are the punishment that brought us peace. 

I can’t come close to explaining it nearly as magnificently as Pastor Chris did so I will leave a link to the message. If you or someone you know is struggling with a broken heart, or perhaps, a broken mind, this message is for them. It’s one of the most powerful messages I’ve heard. Click here to listen. And to get straight to the message skip ahead to the 30:30 mark a give it a listen.